August 31, 2004


"It's difficult to make the case that they're compassionate when the poverty rate has risen and energy costs and health care costs are continuing to go up." - Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, on the Republicans

Ahh, shaddup, ya liberal pansy. Health care costs are going up because they keep inventing new, expensive treatments and drugs, and because doctors have to practice cover-your-ass medicine lest they be sued for not catching the brain tumor of a patient who came in with a sprained ankle. (Thanks, trial lawyers! John Edwards, take a bow!) Energy costs are going up because of supply disruptions in Russia and the threat of terrorist sabotage in the Middle East. You can argue that the terrorist threat is higher because we have chosen to fight terrorists rather than surrender to them, but I think the long-term benefit of fighting is worth paying a little more at the pump. Poverty is up because there are more poor people. (Okay, I don't have an off-the-cuff answer for that one. I'm still two for three.)

But I'm sure Bush has a magic wand he could just wave to fix all these problems. He just doesn't want to. Because he's not really compassionate. And because then Halliburton profits would go down. Whereas President Kerry would use the magic wand to solve all our problems, plus give out lots of hugs and kisses. Because Kerry is love.

Posted by Mr Green at 08:37 PM | Comments (7)

August 29, 2004

Mr. Green Endorses...

While the Mr. Green editorial staff continues to agonize over which candidate for president is less unpalatable, we can at least offer our readers the following unqualified endorsement in the Illinois senate race: Democrat Barack Obama.

We endorse Obama for the sole reason that unlike Republican candidate Alan Keyes, Obama is not crazier than a shithouse rat.

Oh sure, there are lots of issues and such, but on the most important question, "Is this candidate totally and completely looney toons?", we believe that Obama fares much better than Keyes, who is absolutely batshit.

Obama for Senate: He's sane.

Posted by Mr Green at 02:18 PM | Comments (4)

Senator Kerry?

I heard this weird rumor that Vietnam veteran and Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, was at one time a member of the U.S. Senate.

I think this has to be a hoax. I mean, if I were running for president and had experience in government - as a senator, no less! - I would talk about it more than I would talk about what I did in Vietnam. The skill set of president is closer to that of senator than that of swift boat commander. I'd play that senator thing for all it was worth.

Kerry, a senator. Ha! Well, I guess some people will believe any crazy old thing they read on the Internet.

Posted by Mr Green at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2004

If I were a better blogger...

I would have something to say other than, "Jeebus, am I tired."


Posted by Mr Green at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)

August 18, 2004

VodkaPundit Is On A Roll

I was going to write something about the planned withdrawal of U.S. troops from Europe and Asia. I think this is an unmitigated good thing for us, and I think Kerry's attack on the plan is disturbing.

But now I don't have to write it because my favorite other Mr. Green, Steve the VodkaPundit, nails it.

He's had a number of tasty offerings lately, including this article at Tech Central Station about the road ahead in the fight against terrorism.

Posted by Mr Green at 11:10 AM | Comments (1)


I've seen some good quotes supplied by my fellow Munuvians. Here are a couple that cought my eye this morning.

From Rocket Jones:

"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have ... The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases." -- Thomas Jefferson

From Practical Penumbra:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling that thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." .... John Stuart Mill

And finally, from Jen's History & Stuff:

"This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George!"
-George Costanza

Well, they can't all be gems.

Posted by Mr Green at 06:13 AM | Comments (2)

August 17, 2004

You're All On The List

To the guy talking on his cell phone while driving his tan Thunderbird in front of me on the expressway this morning, who jammed his brakes every time the car in front of him eased off the gas, even though Mr. Cell Phone was maintaining a reasonable and prudent following distance of approximately a quarter mile;

To the sweaty, unemployed, acne-ridden virgin who lives in his parents’ basement and took some time off today between video games and masturbation sessions to hit my employer with a DoS attack (no doubt using a script he downloaded somewhere and could never write on his own) on a day when our network engineer was out of the office and I was in charge of the department;

To my favorite internal customer, who takes no greater pleasure in life than asking me questions when anything goes wrong that all boil down to essentially, “I don’t understand the first thing about what you do but I’m not going to let that stop me from assuming that you’re completely incompetent, so how can you stand to not kill yourself from the shame of being such an overpaid, underqualified loser?”;

To these people who helped make my day such a delight, I offer the following heartfelt sentiment: Fuck you, and I hope you die.

Posted by Mr Green at 09:51 PM | Comments (3)

August 12, 2004

Gay Marriage Claims First Victim

See? I told you it would happen. The governor of New Jersey has resigned, citing a homosexual affair as the reason. "I am a gay American," he said.

I'll bet he was just as straight as you, me, and Liberace until Massachusetts allowed gay marriage. But he just couldn't help himself, being that close to Cape Town and all. It's contagious, I tell you.

Posted by Mr Green at 05:02 PM | Comments (0)

An Immodest Proposal

Alan Keyes, the rightest-of-right-wing holy rolling carpetbagging church-and-state-separation-hating Maryland resident and Illinois GOP Senate candidate, is pestering Barack Obama for six debates between now and November 2, and he wants other small-party and independent candidates to participate as well. Anything to pull some spotlight away from Obama, I guess. Hey Alan, I've got an idea for you. Suggest that the debates also feature naked women wrestling in vegetable oil, right there in front of the podiums. As distractions go, it's one of the best.

I know Jesus wouldn't endorse such a tactic, but then again, Jesus was never behind 40 points in the polls. Sometimes in order to make an omelet you've got to break a few boobs. I mean, eggs.

Posted by Mr Green at 03:59 PM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2004


New dad Blackfive has a comment on his site from one Joseph Mendiola that I am taking the liberty of copying and pasting here in its entirety, as I believe it energetically and poetically encapsulates the truth of the upcoming presidential election vis a vis all known political parties and movements vis a vis relations with China vis a vis Iran's nuclear ambitions vis a vis Hillary vis a vis the Nazis vis a vis North Korea vis a vis the subtle shift of the Democratic party to the right before its inevitible progression leftward to outright communism.

SInce as per Clintonian alleged CENTRISM, where mainstream or middle America is majorilly or predominantly Left-based Communist and Left-based Socialist, and where each and every American and American Democrat-Liberal is a version of the ideologically and pragmatically successful GOP-Right whilst also being per se [Failed and Failing But Still Leftist/Democrat] Communist and Leftist-Socialist,IS A CLINTONIAN ANTI-REPUBLICAN REPUBLICAN = KERRYITE REPUBLICAN ANTI-REPUBLICAN, JUST AS A CLINTONIAN ANTI-FASCIST FASCIST = KERRYITE FASCIST ANTI-FASCIST, FOR AMERICA =
SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [COVERT] COMMUNIST FASCIST AMERICA = [OVERT]COMMUNIST FASCIST RUSSIA/CHINA in having a Communist-controlled/dominated/managed FASCIST-RIGHTIST GOVT., you boys should know what Party and -Ism is going to get the blame for what milpol happens to America, and ONLY AMERICA, anything that happens to and in America, between now and Hillary-Gore in 2008 - CAN ANYONE SAY ANTI-AMERICAN LIMITED WAR, espec against nuclearized Iran and North Korea-Taiwan, espec LIMITED NUCLEAR/WMD CONFLICT TO FRIGHTEN AND DISCREDIT AND DESTABILIZE AMERICA, i.e. NUKES-FOR-HILLARY! Now lets all be like Hillary 'Central Committee" Clinton, and good pc "CookieCutters-for-Communism", Clintonian Communism=Fascism = STILL COMMUNISM,and sing the NAZI "PANZER LIED" and other Nazi=Soviet anthems -SING THE "PANZER LIED" AS LOUDLY AND PROUDLY AS MARX, LENIN, STALIN AND MAO WOULD, AND DID, SING IT LIKE A MAN FOR IRANIAN NUKES/WMDS AND AMERICA FIGHTING CHINA'S 00,0000,000-man armies and reserves over NK-TAIWAN IN ASIA! Rest assured that once America and the GOP-Right is discredited, and American-specific Regulatory/Command Socialism and Command HyperGovernment adopted and JUSTIFIED, THE "REPUBLICAN" DEMLIBS WILL SUDDENLY, WEIRDLY, MYSTERIOUSLY AND MAGICALLY, BUT ONLY PC AND COINCIDENTALLY, BECOME LEFTIES AGAIN, AS "IF THEY NEVER LEFT THE LEFT"! Remember - in 2004 the DNC wants American Democrats and aligned LEFTIES TO START USING THE [LEFT]LABEL "PROGRESSIVE", i.e. PC SOCIALIST/SOCIALIST LITE, TO DESCRIBE THEIR PARTY AND MOVEMENT - AFTER "PROGRESSIVE" COMES "SOCIALIST" PER SE, AND AFTER "SOCIALIST" PER SE COMES "COMMUNIST", PER SE! Can Clintonian SOCIALIST LITE 2004 America = SOCIALIST HEAVY Pre-Commie or Virtual Commie 2004 America = STILL SOCIALIST HEAVY COMMUNIST SOZIALEZEI AMERIKA, WHERE PRE-2004 COMMUNISM = POST-2004/PRE-2008 COMMUNISM, I.E. CAN A COMMUNIST BE A COMMUNIST WHOSE STILL A COMMUNIST [HAHAHA]!?

Posted by Mr Green at 09:43 AM | Comments (4)

August 03, 2004

No, thanks.

An open letter to Illinois Treasurer and head of the state Republican Party, Judy Baar Topinka

Dear Ms. Baar Topinka:

I have some bad news. I must regretfully and preemptively remove my name from consideration for the Republican nomination for U.S. Senate.

I know you’ve never even heard of me. Although I am not a Republican, have no political experience, and am the kind of lecherous pervert that Jack Ryan aspires to become, I still think you’d have worked around to asking me sooner or later, and I’d just as soon save you the embarrassment of being rejected by yet another nobody. After all, every reputable Republican in the state, several disreputable ones, and more than a few politically-unaffiliated people you could sort of construe as being Republicans if you look at them in a certain light and squint at them the right way have all turned you down. Even Da Coach said no. You’ve been reduced to considering the likes of certifiably insane hunter-gatherer and Michigan resident Ted “Kill It And Grill It” Nugent.

Why am I bothering to withdraw my name from consideration before it is considered to begin with? Well, although I have the previously mentioned drawbacks as a candidate, I do possess all the attributes you seem to be looking for these days: 1) I am over the Constitutionally-mandated minimum age of 30; 2) I meet at least some of the criteria for being classified as “sentient”; and 3) I am not a Democrat.

Maybe I’m not currently in the top 10 on your list, but I think we both know you’d have been calling me by the end of the week. This way you can skip me and move on to the next-best candidate, the legendary former coach of the Chicago Bears and deceased Illinois resident George “Papa Bear” Halas.

Thank you for what certainly would have been your kind consideration.


Mr. Green

Posted by Mr Green at 09:33 PM | Comments (2)

In Defense of Wal-Mart

This pisses me off. From the LA Times (via the Chicago Tribune):

Inadequate wages and benefits force workers at Wal-Mart stores in California to seek $86 million a year in state aid, according to a report released Monday by the UC Berkeley Labor Center.

Moreover, if other retailers cut their wages and benefits to the levels offered by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the cost to California's public-assistance programs would rise by $410 million annually, the study said.

In their report, Berkeley researchers Arindrajit Dube and Ken Jacobs contend that more than other retail workers, Wal-Mart employees rely on a variety of public-aid programs, including food stamps, Medicare and subsidized housing.

"In effect, Wal-Mart is shifting part of its labor costs onto the public," the researchers wrote. "Wal-Mart's long-term impact on compensation in the retail industry has the potential to place a significant strain on the state's already heavily burdened social safety net."

Sigh. The thing that irritates me most about this is that the commies over at Berkeley know better. Wal-Mart's profit margin is extremely thin; they make a lot of money not because they mark everything up, but because they are such maniacs about controlling costs. If they raise their wages and benefits, they must raise their prices or operate at a loss. If they raise their prices, the good citizens of California pay more for their stuff. And if that happens, do you really believe that the State of California would cut taxes because there was less demand for social services by all these Wal-Mart employees? I think not. Wal-Mart employees would get richer, but everybody else would get poorer.

Also, it's not the top-hatted plutocrats who shop at Wal-Mart. It's people for whom saving 50 cents on a gallon of milk is a big deal. In fact, given that a general price increase at Wal-Mart basically amounts to a regressive tax (assuming the poor shop at Wal-Mart in greater proportion than the population at large), then the concerned citizens over at Berkeley really should explain why they are advocating against the interests of those they purportedly seek to protect.

Posted by Mr Green at 09:01 PM | Comments (2)