January 31, 2006

My new motto

I recently switched ISP's, and Comcast's spam filter does not work nearly as well as the Yahoo! spam filter. Today I checked my email and found a message with the subject, "Re: Always scrotum some Catholicism" sitting in my Inbox.

Initially I was irritated at such an obvious spam making it through the filter - really, if you're going to let "Always scrotum some Catholicism" through, then what's the point of having a filter at all? But as I meditated upon that line, I started to grasp its profundity. Yes. Always scrotum some Catholicism. Of course! Why didn't I see this sooner? Always scrotum some Catholicism!

With a subject like that, how can you go wrong with the hot stock tip contained in the body of the email? I'd tell you what stock it is, but clearly this is a direct message from the Lord to me. Otherwise it wouldn't have such a divinely inspired subject line. I think I'd better keep it secret. If He wants you to know, He'll tell you.

In the meantime: Always scrotum some Catholicism.

Posted by Mr Green at 08:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Put on your rally hats

Driving in to work today, I saw a sign attached to the fence on an overpass. It was crude and hand-lettered - it looked like it was painted on a white bedsheet. It said:


My first thought was, man, that's terse. You've got your What, Where, When, and Why all in 7 words and a number. Aspiring to be a man of as few words as possible myself, I had to admire it. But the Why sort of bothered me. "BUSH OUT". Out of what? I realize that to the kind of person who goes to anti-Bush rallies, it doesn't really matter. Getting together with the like-minded, chanting slogans, and maybe waving around a large mocking puppet or two is its own reward. But still, I wondered. "BUSH OUT" of what?

Iraq? He's not there, the military is. Office? I thought that was more likely, but he can't run for re-election. The "BUSH OUT" countdown is at a little under three years and ticking, like it or not. But you wouldn't have a rally for that. Are they calling for his impeachment? Possibly, and with Chicago the only reason Illinois is a blue state, it seems as likely a place as any to have such a rally. Are they fomenting revolution so they can do away with the Constitution, storm the White House with torches and pitchforks, and burn him at the stake? Seems unlikely, but then again, this is Chicago...

Then I thought, maybe I'm giving the sign maker too much credit. Maybe "BUSH OUT" is just an inchoate statement of dissatisfaction, a plea for him to just go away. "BUSH OUT OF SIGHT, BUSH OUT OF MIND, ME HAPPY" might have been what they were going for when they ran out of room on the sheet and thought, hell with it. I ain't making another trip to buy more sheets.

But then I realized, maybe it isn't an anti-Bush rally at all. It could be a pro-Bush rally. Maybe the sign was made by the president himself, and he ended it "BUSH OUT" because he thought it sounded cool, like something you'd say into a radio in a movie.

In the absence of more information, I think that last one is what I choose to believe. The President of the United States, painting a sign on a sheet, skulking around the west side of Chicago in the dead of night, lashing the sign to a highway overpass. That world is far more entertaining than the one in which we really live.

Posted by Mr Green at 08:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 27, 2006

Hate The Game

I've read a lot of Republican-leaning websites where proprietors and commenters have excoriated John McCain for going against the party line from time to time. They say he does this simply because he enjoys being lauded as a "maverick" by the liberal media, and they deride what they call his self-serving ego.

Sometimes a criticism says more about the critic than its intended target. It does not seem to occur to them that principled opposition is possible. I think this is because so much of modern politics is not about principle, but about your side winning. If I am a member of Party X, then every official position of Party X is by definition good and right and what's best for the nation. Those evil bastards over in Party Y have as their only goal the destruction of everything true and decent. Or at least, that's what I'm expected to say publicly. It's all a game, and it's all about winning. Nothing else matters.

With so much that the Republican party has done under GWB being of dubious (to put it mildly) adherence to conservative principles – the creation of massive defecits via massive tax cuts and simultaneous massive increases in entitlements while also waging a war on the other side of the world, generally belligerent foreign policy – and with so many self-inflicted idiocies – invading the wrong four-letter Middle Eastern country starting with “Ira”, Harriet Miers, “great job, Brownie”, Abramoff – lockstep adherence to the party line is not something of which one should be proud.

So McCain isn’t a team player? Good. Because his team sucks.

(Yeah, I know. The other one sucks too.)

Posted by Mr Green at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 20, 2006

Reasons To Not Elect Hillary, #156

If she wins, we will have at least 24 consecutive years of presidents named "Bush" or "Clinton". Please, have pity on future generations of history students. Give them someone else.

Posted by Mr Green at 08:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 18, 2006

I'm a loser, baby

Mrs. Green and I got to go to the Indianapolis Colts playoff game last Sunday in Indy. I figured, great! See my second-favorite team win a playoff game, should be fun.

They lost. Miserably.

So then we went to the home of some friends in Indy and I watched the Bears game. My favorite team, playing at home, should be good.

They lost too.

So then we watched "Patton" on DVD.

The Germans won.

Posted by Mr Green at 11:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Attention Comment Spammers

I still read this site, even if nobody else does, and I will delete your comments before the search engines even notice them.

So fuck off.

Posted by Mr Green at 01:46 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

January 02, 2006

License Plate Seen

... On a huge truck at the grocery store:

34 D MAN

Nice rack, sir.

Posted by Mr Green at 12:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack