December 18, 2003

I'm Gonna Be Rich!

I know I'm not the first one to mess with someone pulling the Nigerian scam, but damn! Is it fun or what? I'll let you all know if I hear back from him.


To: Mister Green
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2003 04:05:45 -0800
Subject: Very important business proposal.

Attention : Sir/Madam,
Dear Sir/ Madam,
I am Barr. Bello Yakubu ,an Attorney at Law and Personal attorney to Engineer Steve Jason who worked with the Shell Development Company here in Nigeria until his dearth; hereinafter shall be refered to as my client. On the 21st of April 2000, my client with his wife together with the two children were involved in a fatal road accident as they were Returning From holiday along Kano - Sokoto express way. All occupants of The Vehicle unfortunately lost their lives in the course of the accident. Since then, I have made a lot of unsuccessful
attempts and enquiries to many People and also to your Country's Embassy here in Nigeria just to Locate any of my client's immediate and extended relatives, but all effortsseems to prove abortive. I am contacting you to assist in claiming the sum of US$25 Million in cash which the deceased deposited in African Development bank Nigeria.

The Manager of the bank last week has issued a notice to me as the onl y
person who can attest for the deceased, to provide the next of kin to my
late client or have the deposit with them declared ''an Abandoned Property'' following the laid down legal procedure within one month from the date of issue of the notice. Much as I have been unsuccessful in locating any of the relatives of the deceased for over one year now, I therefore seek your indulgence to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceed from this deposit valued at Us$25 million can be released to your account over there and I collect 60% while you collect 35% while 5% will be set aside for any expenses which might result from the transfer. The transaction is 100% risk free and
highly confidential .You will only have to open an account for the lodgment of
the money in your country or any country of your choice where you would
feel secured in keeping the money, after which, I will come to your country for the sharing.

Upon your acceptance and indication of interest to work with me,every other details as it affects the bank and transfer of the fund shall be given to yo without further delay as the Bank is working under a schedule. I shall provide all legal documents to back up our/your cliams as the next kin having in mind that the bank rely on me for authenticating any claim made by anyone as the former attorney.As I said, this information is confidential and your security is
fully protected and well quaranteed. This is my only and a dream come
through having served as an attorney for over 36 years. I really believe that we
can successfully conclude this business in few days starting from the day you made your intention known to me. please I'm really waiting for your good mail response as I count on you for co-operation.

Looking forward to working with you.


Barr. Bello Yakubu.


From: Mister Green
To: Barr. Bello Yakubu
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2003 06:41:19 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: Very important business proposal.

I am very interested in penis enlargement, Viagra, pornographic web sites, discount inkjet cartridges, and making money by helping people get millions of dollars out of Nigeria. Much to my delight, I find that I have the opportunity to indulge one of these interests. (At least one - what do you look like?)

Please let me know how to proceed and we shall be on our way to riches!

Most disingenuously yours,

Mr. Green


From: Mister Green
To: Barr. Bello Yakubu
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 13:18:54 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: Very important business proposal.

I replied to this offer several days ago, and you have not responded. Are you merely teasing me?


To: Mister Green
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 05:04:36 -0500
Subject: I'm very sorry.

Dear Mister Green,
I am very sorry for haven't replied to your email after you responded
to my proposal. Actually, I could read meanings into your reply as such
I referred it to be an automated response message. Sorry for that.
However, I must use this opportunity to let you know that you have
given me a great by your email this morning. I was planning going back to
the bank manager to ask for the opportunity to be shifted to January
pending my in ability to get a reliable person, but thank God you are here
and nothing will stop us from forging ahead immediately.
You could be able to read from my proposal that I was the personal
attroney to this deceased and would have all the neccessary inmformation
about him and this transaction.
I shall send to you by fax some documents from my chamber indicating
that I'm aware of your claim and that I authenticates that it's real and
legal so that you can then have the guide lines on how to get in
contact with the bank manager.
may I have your telephone number where I can contact you and you may
also contact me on the below number (234-803-3262345).
This business would take about 6 working days to come to completion
after you make your first contact with the bank.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
PHONE: 234-803-3262345.


From: Mister Green
To: Barr. Bello Yakubu
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 11:33:08 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: I'm very sorry.

Most excellent! I am highly agitated to have such an auspicious, pants-fulfilling opportunity to move beyond my frustrations of recent. You see, I have been unfairly reverse-hired from my most recent employment for reasons of which it would be indelicate for me to speak of at lengthiness. Suffice it to say that the manager with whom I had a most agreeable relations with suddenly decided he no longer wanted to be my bitch. But now, my pants are enhanced! My trousers are like the great sails of which were appended to the sailing ships of the past!

Yes, my new friend, let us adjourn ourselves to the environs of wealth! Sadly I am forced to correspond with you in this inter-net medium, for I am no longer afford to pay the telephone bill. I only have access to the computer at the public library, so I am able to speak with many people in it. But please tell me this need not hold us back! For I am most interested in showing all of my so-called friends that I have become prosperous beyond their silly dreams of one day owning their own "Mrs. Dildo" store.

As I have indicated, my monies are as modest as my pants are proud, so it will take me some time to beg from passers-by the funds necessary to open a bank account. (I usually conduct all my business in cash, you see.)

In the time of meanness, instead of a fax could you kindly send me in e-mail the documents of which you spoke? I would very much like to see them.

Now I must go - the people who walk the streets at lunchtime are generous, and I must do my most piteous groveling for them!


Mr. Green

Posted by Mr Green at December 18, 2003 01:58 PM

this is great... I can't wait to hear more... good work!

Posted by: Aaron at December 18, 2003 03:56 PM

If you get tired of waiting and want to try it with a few different ones, I have their email addys posted on my blog (in the post 'a bloggers work is never done').

Posted by: Susie at December 18, 2003 07:37 PM

Fantastic! I usually haggle with them, demand an extra 10% and all have agreed without fail. Hope he writes back.

Posted by: Sgt Hook at December 18, 2003 10:44 PM

That's f-ing beautiful, Mr. Green.

Posted by: Anna at December 19, 2003 01:00 AM

I love it!! I am so sickof getting those bloody emails form them. Good to see someone fucking with them!!!

Posted by: secondhand english bookshop tokyo at December 26, 2003 08:19 AM

Dear Mr. Yakubu,
Thank you for your kind offer. My organization is very interested in helping you our as we are in a similar line.
I spoke with an older relative of mine, my Godfather. He is sending two from the family to work with you personally on distributing the funds. They will be wearing 3 piece, charcoal gray suits with obvious bulges under their arms. One is Vinnie Papolino, better known to us as "the fish" and the other is "shoulders" Fanaducci. In fact, while you are reading this, they are watching you.
Having done business in your territory in the past, there will be no problem moving this amount of cash. We have our own lawyers and banking connections, so documentation will not cause us trouble.
We have a small problem with the distribution of the funds. This service has built in rates and we figure your portion will be about 5 % of the total. Please do not try to hold more than that for yourself as this will greatly anger Mr. Papolino and we are unable to control him in situations where the full amount expected is not immediately available. We have reason to believe that a similar situation, he caused a war in Angola that has still not been resolved.

Yours Truly,

Anthony Latona
Casa Larga

Posted by: "gunner" at June 3, 2004 03:05 AM