Mister Green

Raised by Wolves

I was talking with one of my co-workers today, and he said he had never seen the movie Stripes. This surprised me, since he's my age and I remember seeing it at least a thousand times on HBO as a kid. It was on something like five times a day for three straight years. I thought it was the law that you had to see Stripes at least once if you had cable TV.

Then he admitted that he had never seen Caddyshack, either. At that point, I began to wonder whether he wasn't actually an extraterrestrial. Then I figured, the aliens would probably be smart enough to have their spy watch Caddyshack before being deployed, just in case he ever had to converse with a human and parse the phrase, "Big hitter, the Lama". How can you grow up male in America and never watch Caddyshack?

But then he said he had one worse. He has never seen Animal House.

Really.

There's got to be a program for people like him, hasn't there? A program to help unfortunates like him achieve some basic level of lowbrow cultural literacy? What does it say about our society that we can put a man on the moon but we can't find it in the budget somewhere to help these poor people? My God, have we no compassion? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?