June 24, 2004

Detroit Sucks

At some point during the NBA Finals, Jimmy Kimmel made a joke about Detroit that injured the tender sensibilities of some Detroit members of the Perennially Indignant. He was forced, practically at gunpoint, to apologize.

Then Chicago sportscaster Mark Giangreco was suspended from his job for a week for making a joke about Detroit going up in flames after they won. He also issued a groveling apology.

I am so sick of political correctness that I can't even work up a good rant about it. That horse has been beaten and beaten and beaten, and the bastard still won't die. I would think it says something that the Founders saw fit to make the right to free speech the first right enumerated in the Bill of Rights, while the right to not ever have your feelings hurt didn't make the cut at all.

So anyway, in today's Chicago Sun-Times, some letters from readers about the Giangreco suspension are featured. Most of them think this is another ridiculous sacrifice on the PC altar, but one reader opines thusly:

"As a native Detroiter transplanted here for 30 years, congrats to Channel 7 for reprimanding Mark Giangreco for his tasteless comments about Detroit... Just for the record, more than 1 million celebrants congregated in downtown Detroit after the victory last week. Not one shot, murder or fire!"

So naturally, this headline from a couple hours ago:

Nine wounded in Detroit fireworks show shooting: "A gunman opened fire into a crowd that had gathered downtown to watch the city's annual fireworks display, wounding nine people and forcing hundreds of revelers to scatter."

Now, if I weren’t such a swell guy, I’d seize on this as evidence that Detroit is the asshole of America. I might go on to make fun of those who think that you can market your way out of the inconvenient reality that the city is like Fallujah, except without the redeeming qualities. But fortunately, I am a swell guy. As a gesture of goodwill, I offer these tourism slogans to help Detroit show the rest of the nation what a great city they live in:

  • Statistically speaking, you probably won’t get shot.
  • Cheaper than Disney!
  • Smokey the Bear says urban fires are A-OK!
  • Our hospitals treat more bullet wounds before 5 AM than most hospitals do all day.
  • They’re not rioting, they’re just making s’mores!
Posted by Mr Green at June 24, 2004 12:38 PM

Detroit does suck, and I live in the Detroit burbs. Most people I know are afraid to go downtown and most of the others make sure to leave before dusk.

I'ts a pit, a hellhole, a garbage dump.

Through the 121st day this year there were exactly 121 murders that had already occured in the city. Were going for that murder capital award again.

Detroit needs to wake up and smell the burning tire heaps.

Posted by: Machelle at June 25, 2004 10:44 AM

god I hate it here. (air-quote) "METRO" detroit sucks too. bad, bad, bad people.

Posted by: crackie at August 9, 2004 06:45 PM


Posted by: at August 29, 2004 04:46 PM

The previous anonymous comment links to a CNN article listing Chicago as the American city with the most murders. I assume this statistic is meant to undercut my assertion that Detroit sucks.

However, while Chicago had about 64% more murders than Detroit, it has over three times the population. Hence, Detroit still sucks.

Posted by: Mr. Green at August 29, 2004 08:42 PM

Detroit sucks so bad I left. Now I am out in Denver, CO, where the air is clean, the people friendly, the climate pleasant, the social scene buzzing, the public transport good, and the scenery spectacular. NONE of those things can be said about Detroit, or its many suburbs.

Posted by: Andrew at October 1, 2004 01:58 PM