May 17, 2004

We're Doomed... DOOMED!

Today, May 17, 2004, is the beginning of the end of history. The first same-sex marriage licenses have been issued in Massachusetts.

Oh sure, the planet is still spinning on its axis same as always, the rivers aren't running red, Hillary Clinton hasn't been elected President. It doesn't seem that we have just destroyed all of civilization overnight.

But mark my words. It won't be long before the Homosexual Agenda is available in paperback, Wolfgang Puck starts inventing recipes for human infants, heterosexuals are sent to gay indoctrination camps, and the Whore of Babylon wins American Idol by repeatedly shrieking "God is dead!" as she rips Simon Cowell to pieces and devours his flesh.

Also, Ted Rall will still exist.

We're all gonna die.

Posted by Mr Green at May 17, 2004 09:02 AM

Yipee! When heterosexuals get married they send out basically the same cheesy invitation, the "sit down dinner" almost always consists of chicken or "beef" (never identifying a specific cut), the reception is frequently capped off by cheap beer and the Macarena (or the electric slide if I'm lucky), and my gift is typically something that the bride and groom (but probably the bride) have so thoughtfully registered for at JC if a home just isn't a home without some shitty pfaltzgraff butter dish.
Now I can look forward to invitations that also double as cocktail coasters, I will enjoy Foie Gras Roulade, Onion Marmalade, and Red Wine Apple Puree, with certainty the entertainment will forgo the "chicken dance" in favor of a burlesque review, and I will quickly become the largest private purchaser of Jonathan Adler specialty gifts.

A dream come true...and a day to celebrate.

Posted by: Nene at May 17, 2004 06:34 PM

Where were you with the burlesque review idea for *my* wedding?

And if you ask me, a home just isn't a home without a Crate and Barrel butter saver thing that you fill with water and keep on your counter.

Posted by: Mr. Green at May 17, 2004 09:39 PM