January 13, 2004

Mr. Green Angry!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the angriest page in blogdom. Many are the people, places, and things that have pissed me off in recent days, some serious and personal, some trivial. In no particular order:

- Watching playoff football this past weekend just makes it all the more clear that the Chicago Bears are not just a player or two away from being a playoff team. They aren’t even playing the same sport as the Colts, Patriots, Eagles, and Panthers.

- Anybody who says of Peyton Manning “Yes, but…” needs to STFU. He’s playing like a Hall-Of-Famer, and he deserved league MVP all by himself.

- If the Colts had played the Bears this year, but replaced the Colt defense with Folgers Crystals, the Colts still win and the Bears still have to punt at least five times playing offense against eleven cups of weak decaf.

- If anybody in the league is dumb enough to hire fired Bears coach Dick Jauron after he kept John Shoop as offensive coordinator through three years of failure by design, couldn’t figure out what players to put on the field, and couldn’t manage the clock (to pick just three glaring flaws), then they get what they deserve. Nice guy, bad coach.

- The Wisconsin jackoff who is suing his cable company for making him fat needs to STFU. The Londoner who was asked by a newspaper his opinion on the story and responded that he thinks all Americans are stupid needs to STFU and reflect on the stupidity of drawing conclusions about a population of three hundred million based on a sample of one.

- Physicians who don’t want to practice medicine need to find themselves another occupation, such as banking or accounting or panhandling, in which their pesky on-call pager never goes off just because they have a patient lying around an emergency room for hours in agony because the ER staff doesn’t know what to do and the highly paid specialist is off alphabetizing his mutual funds or whatever the fuck it is he does when he can’t be bothered to practice medicine just then. The patient was my wife. Can you tell I’m livid? Long story, not going to go into it. But once we don’t need this doctor any more, he and I are going to have words. More to the point, I am going to have words and he is going to listen in respectful silence if he wants to end the conversation with as many teeth and unbroken limbs as he had going into it. I’ve got a little black bag full of ass-whup with his name on it.

- If you are hacking up a lung on the train but not covering your mouth while you do so, and if I fail to kill you for it, it’s not because you don’t deserve to die. It’s because I’m too busy plotting the death of someone even more annoying than you. Count your blessings. And cover your damned mouth.

- Would it kill you to read the fucking manual instead of sitting at your desk with your mouth open staring at the wall waiting for me to come around unbreak whatever it is you just broke? If it would, would you read it anyway?

Now I must go be happy.

UPDATE, 1/14 8:50 AM: Sorry to have been ambiguous, but Mrs. Green is okay. I can see now I didn't make that clear when I was ranting. Add self to list of people pissing me off.... check.

Posted by Mr Green at January 13, 2004 09:56 PM

I hope Mrs. Green is ok.

Posted by: Susie at January 14, 2004 06:14 AM

Glad to hear she's ok. Maybe she'd like to hold the vidcam while you talk to her doctor?

Posted by: Ted at January 14, 2004 02:23 PM

Glad Mrs. Green is okay. Is there another specialist you could change to? I've had to do that before, but sometimes you're just stuck and that really sucks pond water (to put it mildly!).

Oh and I had a guy just this week, who works for one of my clients. Apparently he decided that a certain error he was seeing was on our end. Didn't bother to look it up in his manual. Sent me a copy of the error page. I google - and 5 minutes later fix HIS error for him. And I don't even use his brand of equipment!!! So, I am totally in sympathy with you. It makes me want to revert to being a young geek and send him an email saying RTFM!

May your weekend be better.

Posted by: Teresa at January 15, 2004 01:43 PM