November 05, 2003

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

Diversity training today. Opening lines I've considered, if we have a chance to "introduce ourselves":

I don't need this training, because I already hate everybody equally.

Anybody who isn't like me is deviant and wrong.

You're all a bunch of whining pussies! Fuck this, I'm outta here.

Does anybody have a gun? I'd like to shoot myself in the head now.

BFREWURFFOEAWRIPGFR! [fakes seizure, falls to floor]

Most likely scenario:

Hi, I'm Mr. Green from the IT Department. [spends rest of day feigning attention while plotting to replace boss's Michael Bolton mp3's with music that does not suck]

Posted by Mr Green at November 5, 2003 08:56 AM

TO: Mr. Green
RE: Diversity Training


There was the obligatory touchie-feelie female who, if you scratched the veneer hated all men.

She was assisted by a defrocked priest. Three guesses as to HIS 'hot buttons'.

I determined that there were several rules to survive Diversity Training.

[1] Wear body armor.
[2] Don't bring any recording devices, they will not be returned.
[3] If you're a white male, leave your ego and personality at the door.
[4] Take mega doses of B100 complex. [Note: You can be confronted by an angry mob bent on burning you at a stake and you'll remain cool, calm and collected. Even as the flames rise high around you.]


[Hell is empty and all the devils are here. -- Diversity Training Workshop facilitator]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at November 5, 2003 02:39 PM

Great name for a band: The Whining Pussies.

Posted by: Jeff at November 9, 2003 10:14 PM