Diversity training today. Opening lines I've considered, if we have a chance to "introduce ourselves":
I don't need this training, because I already hate everybody equally.
Anybody who isn't like me is deviant and wrong.
You're all a bunch of whining pussies! Fuck this, I'm outta here.
Does anybody have a gun? I'd like to shoot myself in the head now.
BFREWURFFOEAWRIPGFR! [fakes seizure, falls to floor]
Most likely scenario:
Hi, I'm Mr. Green from the IT Department. [spends rest of day feigning attention while plotting to replace boss's Michael Bolton mp3's with music that does not suck]
Posted by Mr Green at November 5, 2003 08:56 AMTO: Mr. Green
RE: Diversity Training
Lessee...
There was the obligatory touchie-feelie female who, if you scratched the veneer hated all men.
She was assisted by a defrocked priest. Three guesses as to HIS 'hot buttons'.
I determined that there were several rules to survive Diversity Training.
[1] Wear body armor.
[2] Don't bring any recording devices, they will not be returned.
[3] If you're a white male, leave your ego and personality at the door.
[4] Take mega doses of B100 complex. [Note: You can be confronted by an angry mob bent on burning you at a stake and you'll remain cool, calm and collected. Even as the flames rise high around you.]
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[Hell is empty and all the devils are here. -- Diversity Training Workshop facilitator]
Great name for a band: The Whining Pussies.
Posted by: Jeff at November 9, 2003 10:14 PM